Twelve Times You do/did things that Connected You to Your Nigerian Roots

1. You still count the money dispensed to you at the ATM machine, right in front of it, before putting it inside your wallet. Ain't nobody gonna cheat you,God forbid make you fall mugu wey guy-man go chop!

2.  The time you yimued your friends when they were going to see a movie at the cinema. You refused to go with them because, your "customer" promised you a collection of all the new movies(lol all those 25 in one CDs) if you can wait for N200. But, deep in your heart, you know you will haggle till he removes that extra N50 and make it N150.

3. You have cursed your network provider before, you even have a favourite sentence for them.

4. You still shout "Up NEPA!!!" when they bring the light even if they changed their name to PHCN years ago.

5. You changed your accent within seconds of meeting with an Oyinbo.

6. You still hear your African mothers voice at the back of your head when you're about to do something mischievous. At this point, you weigh out the consequences and whether you will be able yo bear them.

7. You still remember those nights Daddy brought back Suya, and have made a mental note to do that for your own children(if you haven't, please don't deprive them that memory :).

8. You wore Cottina shoes, no need to expanciate.

9. Sometimes, when you're alone, you still sing some of your Secondary School songs.
If you are a Beulah Alumni, you must know "My friend will you get out of here", "If I were Green I would Die", "We Salute the Treasure Box!"(LMFAO! make my bonkie no catch me o!),or what I call our Ode to your wedding day(I'll share the lyrics of this one with You guys)..
"One day go be your wedding day, Eka ekpu go be your pastor, nkorinko go be your bridesmaid, butterfly go carry you go, go, go!!"
 It simply means "One day will be you wedding day, a mother rat will be your pastor, a baby snail will be your bridesmaid, and a butterfly will be your ride after the wedding." I still don't know who composed it, in Beulah, we were very creative, imaginative alongside our studies, but we also jonzed.

[Once you uttered a wrong grammar someone shouted gbagaun! Or Kpoof! Or mimicked a machine gun; while MMEHS Alumni still chant this song "Bend down for the error..." we had zero tolerance for bad English. Once uttered, the class appointee (Lol I'm not even going to mention names, she will kill me even if we don't talk anymore) will chant the intro "Bend down for the error..." and the whole class would stand, shuffle their feet and bend down, really down while shouting "Ogbu eh!!" It was epic. I felt for them. But, I knew no one was spared, they would have done it to Me, out of love to correct me. Our Nationwide Junior School Certificate Examination English results were spectacular(Mr Churchill was never impressed, until he saw them)].


10. You are prepared to haggle to the last Kobo, you are ready to haggle anything with a price. And, if given a chance, you will haggle in that expensive supermarket(just no fall my hand o).

11. You randomly blurt out Wale Adenuga's Super Story theme song when someone is adamantly telling an undiluted lie in front of you.

12. Plus,You still remember that 90s advert "Mommy, Mommy, Daddy is shaking...! Dundi, you Daddy is not yet back."



Bonus: You wish for the day you can taste Speedy biscuit, big bite, pepper-cookies. Including those ice creams they sold in front of the school gate at Nursery school that Mommy forbade you to buy because they had "saccharine"(then, wetin concern you, concern saccharine?) My Aunt bought it once for Me, I can still taste the sugar.


Song of the Day: Megbele by Omawumi (I have played this song for the past three days and even danced to it. I absolutely love it now, I didn't like it when it first came out even though I am an Omawumi fan).

I wouldn't have it any other way, I love my country and her people. Nigerians have that never give up/can-do spirit. Apart from a few bad eggs, we are good people. You crush them today, tomorrow     you will watch them gather what remains and try again, harder and better. 

Naija! I dey hail o! Three gboza!!

Words and Meanings:

PHCN: Power Holding Company of Nigeria.

NEPA: Never Expect Power Always, lol it actually means National Electric Power Authority.

Bonkie: The person you share a bonk bed with at school. He/she is either on top or under.

Suya: A traditionally spiced meat unique to the Northern people of Nigeria. This meat will make you un-vegan(made this up) your diet, beware.

 Just no fall my hand o: Don't disgrace me.

Oyinbo: A white person.

 Kobo: Nigeria's National coin.

Wishing you smiles and laughter.
Your Friend,
The Beloved.




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Photos are not mine. Courtesy: Buzz